Enneagram 3
The Achiever | The Motivator | The Communicator | The "Best" | The Role Model | The Status Seeker |
The Achiever | The Motivator | The Communicator | The "Best" | The Role Model | The Status Seeker |
Type 3 Overview
Type 3’s want respect from others for being successful and worthy of admiration through focusing intensely on specific goals and plans, all with a self-assured and confident demeanor and image. They can become out of touch with their truest self and innermost heart’s desire.
Basic Desire: To feel worthwhile, accepted, and desirable
Basic Fear: Of being worthless or without value apart from their achievements
Holy Ideal: Holy Law - Knowing that through hope, you can have faith that there is a natural rhythm to everything that occurs without any effort on your part, and that through truthfulness, you can find self-acceptance and be valued for who you truly are.
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Authentic | Adaptable | Admirable | Goal-Oriented | Self-Improving
Healthy 3’s let go of the belief that their value is dependent on the positive regard of others, thus freeing themselves to discover their true identity and their hearts’ own desires. Their Basic Desire is also achieved (feeling valuable and worthwhile). They become self-accepting, genuine, and benevolent.
Healthy 3’s are attuned to what others value and adapt themselves to become a person who would be more valuable. Their self image is “I am outstanding, capable, and well-adjusted with unlimited potential.”
Healthy 3’s reinforce their self-image by developing themselves and their talents. They are competent, confident, and persistent, becoming exemplary in whatever they do. They are effective communicators and often popular role models and inspirations for others.
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Success-Oriented | Performative | Image-Conscious | Expedient | Self-Promoting | Grandiose
3’s begin to fear that they will be overshadowed by the accomplishments of others and that their efforts will not bring them the attention they desire. Thus, they feel the need to distinguish themselves from others by overachieving. They continually drive themselves to achieve more.
3’s worry that they will lose the positive regard of others, so they wish to impress people and strive to cultivate what they believe will be the most attractive image possible. They can be ambitious but self-doubting and want to be admired and desired. These insecurities can cause intimacy issues.
3’s are afraid that others will not notice them unless they are hugely successful or outstanding, thus they try to convince themselves and others of the reality of their grandiose claims. They are self-promoting, competitive, and arrogant as a defense against their secret neediness.
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Can be: Unprincipled | Deceptive | Opportunistic | Inauthentic | Relentless
Unhealthy 3’s fear that they are failing and that their claims may be empty and fraudulent, which may be true. To save their self-image, they begin to deceive themselves and others, saying whatever will impress people or get them off the hook. Inside, they feel empty and depressed.
Unhealthy 3’s can become so desperate for attention that they will concoct any story or scheme in order to cover over their deterioration. They do not want anyone to know how troubled they are and are willing to go to great lengths to keep their emotional illness and misdeeds hidden.
Unhealthy 3’s can feel that there is nothing they can do to win the positive attention of the people whose approval they need, and may lose control of their repressed hostility and rage. They may seek revenge on real or imagined tormentors, attempting to bring down whoever they feel has rejected them.
Wings
3w2
“The Charmer”
HEALTHY: Healthy 3w2’s are more emotional and spontaneous than 3w4’s. Their outgoing, vivacious quality can resemble 7’s. They can be friendly, helpful, and generous like 2’s while maintaining the poise, self-esteem, and high personal achievements of the 3. They want to be loved and have a drive to be close with people, but they sometimes substitute public life and the recognition they obtain there for a more satisfying private life and domestic stability.
AVERAGE: 3w2’s in average health attempt to suppress any characteristics that interfere with their desirability, feeling that their value comes from the ability to attract and even dazzle others. In short, they want others to like and admire them. They know how to “turn it on” to impress, and this often becomes a preoccupation. Their behavior can have a smooth, artificial quality that undermines their attempt to be popular and credible. People of this subtype are often highly competitive, although usually covertly. They may resort to multiple images to satisfy their social relations and to perform in intimate situations.
3w4
“The Professional”
HEALTHY: Healthy 3w4’s feel that self-esteem comes from their work and career success more than from personal qualities. They want their work to be outstanding and well regarded, often putting great energy into their careers. They take pleasure in whatever profession or “craft” they have chosen and are willing to make great personal sacrifices to maintain their professional integrity. While diplomatic and charming, they are more generally serious and task-oriented and can therefore resemble 1’s.
AVERAGE: Powerful ambition and self-doubt mix in 3w4’s in average health, inevitably creating tremendous pressure. Their drive for perfection is similar to that of 1’s, however, they aspire to embody perfection in some way to avoid being rejected or shamed as inferior. 3w4’s feel they are putting their entire self-worth on the line with every project. They often project competence and poise but can be rather private socially, in contrast to the more outgoing and affable expressions of 3w2’s. They may also display pretentiousness and arrogance, mixed with self-consciousness and self-contempt, making 3w4’s perplexing and sometimes at odds with itself.
Subtypes
There are 3 instincts: Self-Preservation, Social, and One-to-One (AKA Sexual). We each use these instincts throughout our lives to survive and thrive; usually we use one of them quite often, one not much or not enough, and the other is somewhere in the middle. The strongest instinct is known as your “Dominant” instinct, which determines your subtype. So for each Enneagram type, there are three subtypes.
Many people know more about the wings than the subtypes, but each subtype can look very different from another subtype, even if they share the same core type. For example, Self-Preservation 3’s look VERY different from Social 3’s.
Self-Preservation 3
“Security”
SP 3’s need to be seen as good or ideal person who is self-reliant, autonomous, and hardworking with an image of having no image and needing the security of structure to avoid fear of failure.
Can be confused with a 6 or SP1
Social 3
“Prestige”
SO 3’s need to be seen as successful and admirable in the context of specific social reference groups. They like being around other successful people because proximity reinforces their own image and status.
Can be confused with a 7
One-to-One 3
“Masculinity/Femininity”
SX 3’s need to be seen as attractive in a masculine or feminine way, as well as successful, by individuals who are important to them and whom they want to attract. They also help these others achieve success.
Arrows
Each Enneagram type has 2 arrows connecting it to 2 other types. These arrows express your direction of Growth and Stress, determining how you will likely act int hose situations. Understanding your type’s arrows is one of the best ways to use the Enneagram as a tool for growth (learning about your growth number) and how to cope with stress (learning about your stress number).
Growth Arrow: 6
When moving in a direction of integration (growth), vain, deceitful 3’s become more cooperative and committed to others like healthy 6’s.
Attributes of the 6 for 3’s to adopt:
Becoming more focused and engaged with those around them (rather than their to-do list)
Accept who they are rather than focused on what they’re doing
Become champions of others
Believe that we’re all in this together
Accept who they are
Stress Arrow: 9
When moving in a direction of disintegration (stress), driven 3’s become disengaged and apathetic at 9.
Unhealthy attributes of the 9 a 3 might adopt under intense or prolonged stress:
Become wildly people-pleasing and self-forgetting,
Give up their integrity to please others if they feel they need to
Become absorbed by unproductive busywork
Zone out of life and become lazy
Lose confidence and optimism
Want to dive deeper?
Get support on your inner work through 1-on-1 coaching, relationship coaching, group workshops, or figure out your type in a typing interview!
Resources:
The Wisdom of the Enneagram:
Book by Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson
Do It for The Gram Podcast:
Podcast by Coach Milton Stewart
The Art of the Enneagram:
Book by Dr. Ginger Lapin-Bogda
The Enneagram Institute:
Organization & Website
The Art of Typing:
Book by Dr. Ginger Lapin-Bogda
Random Acts of Caroline:
An Enneagram Podcast (Yes, I added my own podcast to the list of references)