Enneagram 2
The Helper | The Caretake | The Lover | The Pleaser | The Enabler | The Special Friend |
The Helper | The Caretake | The Lover | The Pleaser | The Enabler | The Special Friend |
Type 2 Overview
Type 2’s want to be liked by those who are in need, by important people, and by those who are important to them. They attempt to feel worthy and valued by offering gifts, attention, resources and advice to others. They can tend to repress their own wants and needs to instead take care of the wants and needs of others. They tend to base their self worth on the positive or negative reactions of others.
Basic Desire: To feel loved
Basic Fear: Of being unloved or unwanted
Holy Ideal: Holy Will & Holy Freedom - Knowing that free will comes from acknowledging oneself and one’s own needs, combined with humility, or true self acceptance without deference to the reactions of others
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Self-nurturing, empathetic, caring, supportive, giving, and unconditionally loving.
At their best, 2’s let go of the belief that they are not allowed to take care of themselves. Thus they can own their feelings and needs and are free to love others without expectations.
They focus on the feelings of others with loving concern as a defense against their Basic Fear: of being unloved or unwanted. Their self-image is, “I am loving, thoughtful, and selfless.”
2’s reinforce their self-image by doing good things for others. They are generous with their time and energy and are appreciative, encouraging, and supportive of others. They are also emotionally expressive and enjoy sharing their talents with others.
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Well-intentioned, people-pleasing, sometimes possessive, intrusive, self-important, or overbearing.
2’s begin to fear that whatever they have been doing is not enough and others don’t want them around. They want to be closer to others and reassured that others like them. 2’s try to cultivate friendships and win people over by pleasing, flattering, and supporting them.
2’s worry that they their loved ones will love someone else more than them, so they need reassurance that they’re needed. The attempt to have a claim on people by putting the needs of others before their own. They can be proud but needy, not wanting to let others out of their sight.
2’s can become angry that others are taking them for granted, but aren’t able to express the hurt they feel. Instead, they complain about their health, draw attention to their good deeds, and remind others of how much they owe them. Repressed feelings begin to cause physical problems.
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Can be: Manipulative, entitled, coercive, martyrs, burdensome, and victimized.
Unhealthy 2’s fear that they are driving people away, and this may be true. To save their self image, they rationalize their behavior by seeing others as “selfish ingrates.” They try to elicit pity as a substitute for love and keep others dependent on them to prevent them from leaving.
Unhealthy 2’s have become so desperate for love that they begin to pursue it obsessively. They feel they are entitled to whatever they want because they have suffered so much, and they may act out their need for affection recklessly and inappropriately.
The realization that they may have been “selfish” or even have harmed others is too much for unhealthy 2’s. They fall to pieces, physically and emotionally, playing out the role of the victim and the martyr. Others are then obliged to step in and take care of them.
Wings
2w1
“The Servant”
HEALTHY: Healthy 2w1’s combine warmth with seriousness of purpose, striving for personal goodness and selfless service. They combine the morality of the 1 with the empathy of the 2, creating a strong desire to relieve human suffering. 2w1’s are often Good Samaritans, willing to take on the thankless and unglamorous tasks that others generally avoid. They are more serious-minded than 2w3’s and take on the role of the caretakers well. You might find 2w1’s enjoying jobs like teaching, public service, healing and medical professions, ministry, nonprofit work, and more.
AVERAGE: 2w1’s in average health feel obligated to struggle against their “selfish” attitudes and feelings. The tend to feel responsible for others’ welfare and are typically dutiful, proper, and severe with themselves. They are emotional but tend to be strained in their emotional expressions because they feel awkward about drawing attention to themselves. They prefer working in the background, yet they want to feel significant in others’ lives. 2w1’s tend to feel conflicts between their emotional needs and their principles, often leading them to get involved in moral or religious teachings. They can become extremely self-critical and neglectful of their health, denying their personal needs, sometimes choosing to play the martyr.
2w3
“The Hostess”
HEALTHY: Healthy 2w3’s are more outgoing, seeking love through the creation of personal connection and making others feel good. The self-esteem of a 2w3 is tied to personal qualities rather than the quality of service to others. They are sociable and talkative, charming and adaptable, with much “personality” in evidence. They enjoy bestowing whatever talents and resources they possess on friends and family - cooking, entertaining, singing, and listening, all as ways of sharing their inner bounty.
AVERAGE: 2w3’s in average health are friendly and good-humored, although more focused and ambitious. They are not typically into overt caretaking, more often considering their friendship and the quality of their attention to be a sufficient gift to to others. There can be a seductive aspect to 2w3’s and more of a focus on relationships, excessive friendliness, exaggerated sentimentality, and histrionic displays. 2w3’s combine the 3’s desire for acceptance blending with the 2’s drive for intimacy. They’re less serious and more task-driven than 2w1’s, and also less likely to engage in self-questioning and self-criticism. 2w3’s are direct about what they want, to the services they provide. They can become self-important, high-minded, and sometimes arrogant.
Subtypes
There are 3 instincts: Self-Preservation, Social, and One-to-One (AKA Sexual). We each use these instincts throughout our lives to survive and thrive; usually we use one of them quite often, one not much or not enough, and the other is somewhere in the middle. The strongest instinct is known as your “Dominant” instinct, which determines your subtype. So for each Enneagram type, there are three subtypes.
Many people know more about the wings than the subtypes, but each subtype can look very different from another subtype, even if they share the same core type. For example, Self-Preservation 3’s look VERY different from Social 3’s.
Self-Preservation 2
“Me-first\Privilege”
Prince/Princess
SP 2’s deny their own needs for protection, while trying to attract others for protection. They appear to be without guile, even childlike. They are ambivalent about closeness and trust.
In a royal family, they play the role of the prince/princess, giving up the rights of an adult for the privileges of a child.
Can be confused with a SP 6
Social 2
“Ambition”
Emperors/Empresses
SO 2’s focus on helping groups as a way of standing above the group, without acknowledging this. They’re intellectually oriented, comfortable in visibly powerful positions.
They play the role of the emperors and empresses, having to continually earn their territory.
Can be confused with a SO 8.
One-to-One 2
“Aggression/Seduction”
Kings & Queens
SX 2’s are oriented to individual relationships and meeting the needs of people they see as important as a way of getting their own needs met, becoming angry when that doesn’t occur.
They play the role of the kings and queens, seeing royalty as their birthright.
Can be confused with a 1-to-1 4
Arrows
Each Enneagram type has 2 arrows connecting it to 2 other types. These arrows express your direction of Growth and Stress, determining how you will likely act int hose situations. Understanding your type’s arrows is one of the best ways to use the Enneagram as a tool for growth (learning about your growth number) and how to cope with stress (learning about your stress number).
Growth Arrow: 4
When moving in a direction of integration, prideful, self-deceptive 2’s become more self-nurturing and emotionally aware like healthy 4’s.
Attributes of the 4 for 2’s to adopt:
Getting in touch with their feelings, opinions, and needs
Investing in who and what they really enjoy instead of trying to please everyone
Diving into hobbies and creative outlets for the enjoyment itself, not in playing a helping role
Enjoying alone time
Stress Arrow: 8
When moving in a direction of disintegration (stress), needy 2’s suddenly become aggressive and dominating like an unhealthy 8.
Unhealthy attributes of the 8 a 2 might adopt under intense or prolonged stress:
Becoming aggressive, hostile, or even violent
Becoming controlling or demanding of others
Possessiveness in relationships
Black-and-white thinking and struggling to see others’ points of view
Smothering others or making them feel inadequate
Want to dive deeper?
Get support on your inner work through 1-on-1 coaching, relationship coaching, group workshops, or figure out your type in a typing interview!
Resources:
The Wisdom of the Enneagram:
Book by Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson
Do It for The Gram Podcast:
Podcast by Coach Milton Stewart
The Art of the Enneagram:
Book by Dr. Ginger Lapin-Bogda
The Enneagram Institute:
Organization & Website
The Art of Typing:
Book by Dr. Ginger Lapin-Bogda
Random Acts of Caroline:
An Enneagram Podcast